You excite me to chorus...

Inspiration is such a funny thing.  BE it the necessary push to look for a new job, the drive to make your dreams come true or the energy to write an amazing hit.  WE ALL EITHER INSPIRE OR SEEK INSPIRATION.
Me, well I try to do both.  Be inspiring by chasing the things that  inspire me.  And the smallest things can be ammunition.  A lingering hope, a forgone dream, a wish your heart makes (this last line tells me if you know me or nt).  So many muses if only we'd stop and look.  So many layers to life.  What opens your third eye?  What drives your life? Whats your passion?

Fu©k this $hit

I wanna write scream curse fight kirk....i hate feeling all outta sorts like this.   Idk wtf it is. Job pissed me off, ppl pluckin my nerves...all kinda shit....woosa lordie I'm just nt bt that life right now...I'm nt on it nt feeling it...ntn, I need a break from the bull shit just one constant positive cause I had my  share and then some of shit

Beautiful Surprise

The idea that I want all that I want with you is crazy.  It's like I know I'm being illogical but it's like you save a part of me I thought was gone.  And maybe i'm being hyper and reckless but I can't begin to care.  I want to experience life with, through, and because of you.  Everything in my pass tells me to sabatoge what could happen but everything in my heart  tells me to wait for you.  You, strange, unique, sexual, intellectual, hilarious, God fearing you. I can't even scare myself away.  I couldn't imagine giving you less than all of me.  My mind explodes with possibilities.  Like everyday we could learn something new.  I want to be afraid of you, of us, of anything we could be, but you're to  easy to love. It's like I've brwn being prepared for you.  I wasn't ready for you even a month ago.  You make me want ro not be shy.  Idk what it is.  Like life has clicked into place.

I think therefore I write

I yearn for peace.  Like the junky to the pipe and the wino to the bottle, peace is the only thing that keeps me.  Lately, my mental  space has been in turmoil, my wants, needs and actions are not equaling. I'm waiting for so much to happen, but then it's like what if what I want isnt what God wants for me at all.  What if what I'm praying for is not only not  what i need but something bad for me.  How do I know, and what do i do?

I think  about success.  My whole life I've known I was meant to be somebody, to touch lives, to make lives better.  However now when my heart is telling me I should be doing something, my feet and mind refuse to move.  I'm stuck in a seemingly dead end cycle of stagnant, yet ideas and dreams  constantly flood me.

I think of love. It was so easy  pretending to be a love hater. So easy to settle for being fwb cause "i dont want/need a commitment." Faking as if I didn't want a companion, as if I didn't yearn for someone to open up to as if I didn't want somebody to satisfy me spiritually, emotionally, and ultimately physically.  That was easy.  But that isnt me.  Now I have to face the pain of rejection as those around me go on dates, talk about who they like, dont like, and would never date.  Now i'm faced to admit that im lonely, that I wish it was me handing out my number and turning down dates for a change.  Now i'm faced with the reality that I can be girly, and I want someone to show off that side for.

I think about growing up.  Life is one long transitioning period for we're all constantly changing.  I'm on a path I've never seen. Learning to take the stepping stones I've encountered and not fret about the ones yet to come.  Admitting that I have had badddddd habits that have caused me strife, and it is my duty and personal responsibility to step up, step out of my downfall and step into my destiny.

I think about me.  Learning to be honest with oneself is one of the midst liberating and terrifying experiences all at once.  What do I do now that I  realize i have faults that I may or may not want to change.  How do I love myself enough to just be myself. I think  about it all.

And so I write.  To liberate myself from myself, and finally, confidently proclaim...I AM FREE AND HAPPY TO LOVE ME!!!!

I been looking around and you been here all along

That title doesn't really have anything to do with this blog...anywho

The topic of this mornings conversion is miracles.

MIRACLES

Not a very big word, nt really much to it but there is a large impact behind miracles.  But what are miracles.  Most ppl think winning the lottery is a miracle, not getting in a car accident, or having the child doctors said would never come forth.  What about the small things?  What about keeping employment during a recession, waking up in the morning, putting gas in your not repossessed car.  What about making breakfast for your family, or seeing a rainbow, what about sleeping through a thunderstorm. What about making true friends, what about growing in love, what about opening your heart, what about trusting God. 

So many different things can be miracles to so many ppl. Does that make our own miracles any higher or lower, not in my eyes.  Miracles are all around us.  Why are we waiting for the giant things when it's these little daily miracles that shape our lives.

Letters of love

Dear jaded,
Hey there lonely heart.  You have been lied to, hurt, disrespected.  Your trust had been abused.  Your secrets used against you and your love thrown away.  U have seen rock bottom and gone lower.  You have known pain  you have lost love.  You know what it is to have dreams destroyed, life taken, true heartbreak.  You thought you would never get up again.   You promised never to love again.  To stay guarded, to stay hurt free.

THE WORLD NEEDS YOU.

To be open again. To let one more in.  to give up on pain and love again.  Please turn your light back on.  Please dust yourself off, stand up nd give again.  The world is dying for your life.  You are someone unanswered prayer, you, jaded you.  Somebody is at the door where you are the key.  Please try again.  The one looking for you might be me.

Love,

You are what I need

Introversion at it's wildest

Most ppl that meet me dont believe I'm an introvert....if you meet me at work I'm smiling, talking, keeping the energy up.  If you meet me through someone you might catch me thinking, you might catch me laughing with  everyone else. 
Lets expand our  understanding of introversion.  Being an introvert does not equal shy an anti-social.  Introversion is meerly a different way of processing and appreciating the world.  It means I tend nt to talk just for talking sake, I dont generaly care for events involving large groups of people because it is physically draining.  This is nt to say that I only want to sit at home by myself, but given the chance 90% of the time if choose movie night with one or two  besties over a large party.
Now to completely  contradict  all that I adore dancing, laughing, and being utterly ridiculous....just on my time.  I feed off my reactions to myself versus others reactions to me.  I'm empowered by thinking, contemplating, creating, soaking, meditating...basically anything I can do alone and be comfortable doing.  I love ppl I just can't handle large doses.

Time on my hands....

So I've been thinking about these wonderful, or not so wonderful, things called feelings.  Sometimes they make everything but sometimes they get in the way.....either way everybody at one point or another has to deal with those feelings.

Some fight and act as if feelings don't affect them, others are driven by their feelings leading to irrational decision making.  What about those ppl who just dont know how to handle feelings, be they good, bad or indifferent. 

I believe our feelings are our most meaningful representation of ourselves. Our feelings and how we embrace them is how we give the world a piece of ourselves, if nt for feelings how would we know and show the world that we have something unique to offer.  Now I've nt been someone quick to embrace my feelings on the same hand I didnt always realize I had something unique to offer the world.  So yes I do I have feelings.  I have desires I want to explore, lust I want to cave into and fears I want to overcome.  The best part about all of those things is that they all help make me..wellllllll me.  So yes I embrace my multitude of feelings, cause ya know they got me thinking.

Shorty Swing my way

So I just found out that this lady I know is a swinger. Personaly idk how I feel abt that.  Like whats the difference between swinging and having an open relationship.  Whats the point of getting married if you know ur gonna sleep with other people...idk I need a lesson...i dnt think my mind is quite that open

Himaholic

This damn song....kelly price....google it

Will you always

So I was recently told that scorpios always have one that they just dont let go of.  I dont know if thats true.  For me no, I love and I love damn hard. However, I break even.  I used to fight for love, or what I thought love was.  Not anymore.  You don't have to fight for what wants to stay there so no I dont have a never go away.  While the ppl I have dealt with have affected me, grown me, showed me what I want, don't want nd will never accept again.

I find my history interesting.  It's been some highs lows and wtfs, bt it's been me.

I PROMISE THESE THINGS TO YOU

So I've been thinking about relationships and listening to love songs and it got me to thinking.  What are my true love truths.  So I figured I'd take the time and list some personal promises to whomever I end up with.

1. I promise that God, you and I will be the only ones in our relationship.
     ~ while our joys may be world renowned or issues will remain with us.
2. I promise to do my best to be my best.
     ~ I have no illusions of personal perfection, BUT I will strive to be a little better each day
3. I promise to have your back.
    ~ long as you're following God I will follow him in you.  I will support your dreams and as much as possible help you reach them.
4. I promise not give up on us.
    ~ life is hard, there are difficult times, there are tight times, but when the rain comes i'm nt flying away I'll have my umbrella and rain boots until the sun shines again.

These are my promises, things I believe help a relationship not just be healthy bt also prosper.

Welcome, welcome, welcome back

Welp.  She's baaaaaaack.  Blogging app on my phone = more frequent updates, let the crowds rejoice.  So its been almost a year since my last blog nd im nt gonna go into the years dramas bt I will talk abt the good things.  I'm finding myself opening up, like I wanna talk and share and all that jazz.
Random tidbit...my mind has been absolutely swimmin, SWIMMIN...and its all because of youuuuu lmao.   I dont know how I feel about this situation I mean I have never felt so connected like strangely I don't even mind.  More on this later, n t ways...I'M BACK