I'm a little bit strange, but here comes the twist. I might get even stranger than this.

So i know its been a year and some change seems like since i've blogged...but well alots been going on. And i have been motivated to write. But tonight i'd figured i'd hit you with what makes me relationship strange

1. I've never been in a committed relationship.

22 and never claimed somebody, I know strange right. However, i've never felt the need to be. I see the benefit in being in a committed relationship, but I also never been with someone who I wanted to be the only person I was talking to.

2. It's not cheating that bothers me so much as lying.

Now i don't really think that makes me strange. However, let me elaborate. I don't really care about anything long as you're honest. I guess i'm for open relationships. I couldn't care less what you do unless you feel like you have to lie about it. If you can't be upfront...than you shouldn't be doing it.

3.It's not that I don't care it's just that i'm more of a let it flow type.

I care, I really do, but if something is meant to happen, it will. Thats pretty much my life motto. So I tend not to stress, or worry about relationships. I get emotional but thats usually only with my sisters. I'm not cold i'm just not dramatic.

4. I'm not fighting for you.

I don't mean physically. I mean i'm not fighting for you. There is nothing I can do to make you stay if you don't want to. So i'm not stressing myself. I don't pressure ppl i love and maybe that is one of my downfalls, but please believe, i'm not for the extras. I just have to much life to live than to try to add someone who isn't sure they want to be there.

5. This is last for now....i don't have time for the 'representative'

If I can't be me and enjoy being who I am around you...we'll never succeed. Honestly, i am me. I'm quirky, slow, hard working, opinionated, stubborn, silly, difficult, fun, old fashioned, musical, a shopaholic and much more. If i can't be all i am, the dynamic loner that i tend to be with you than there is no hope.

(i wish you'd) always be my friend

Good things don't last forever baby, but somethin bout ya boy just drives me crazy, ain't no if, ands, buts, or maybes, i wish you'd always be my friend. -modified excerpt from good things by rich boy. So 1 i apologize for my 2 week lapse in posting. I just haven't known what to say. But that line kind of sums up where my head is. I miss my shuga high. I really do. I mean I knew that this was inevitable, I knew eventually one of us would step out of the dream we created into reality, but why'd it have to be me. Now my phone is lonely, longing for ur text, just to see ur name on the screen, just to laugh at the things you'd say to me. Just to go back to those hours where you made me forget that i'm lonely. What a strange place you occupied. Its almost like you cause me to mental subside from my resident life of ick. You were able to single handedly make me smile just by saying hey *floetry moment hey you sorry that i had to leave i'll try to come back...one day* thats also how I feel. I wish we could have a balance, but alas, life does not work how you want it to. I must let go of you, to love you. It would hurt more to wait, but it hurts now. I hope that if you read this you know I really don't plan on ever not loving you. And while our triste of sorts was fast you are important to me. U hold immense value, not just in my mind, but in my heart. I miss you, i miss our conversations, and i hope that things are looking up. Nightly i wish i could be those things you wanted me to be. IF only the stipulations where there, and the consequences weren't so great. I love you shuga high. At least in my heart, you will alway be my friend. *tear*

currently suffering from personality type IDGAF

as in (I) (D)on't (G)ive (A) (F)uck. I'm currently at a place in my life where my tolerance for the illogical is ever dwindling. As in, if it doesn't make sense, keep that shit to yourself. I don't feel like being specific, but I find myself questioning the sanity of the ppl that have been known to be around me. General examples, if something doesn't positively, shit or negatively, affect your life, why even deal with it. Why settle for ignorance and stupidity that doesn't have to be apart of your life? Why settle for actions that don't equate for to the words? Why am i settling for being a diary when I have things that I already need to pour out of me? Why do we all do such crazy things? Occasionally I've been known as rose colored glasses/or blinders. Hiding from the truth. Honestly, I see the truth I just ignore it until I'm satisfied with the situation. It's gonna suck because I'm not going to be the one to leave. However, you'll leave when you don't need me anymore. It's the story of human nature. We are users, we are survivors, we take what we need from where we can get it and leave the rest for as damaged goods for some other person to deal with. So what do i do when you don't need me anymore. The same thing I always do when that happens, i look at the lesson, appreciate the blessing, and keep stepping. Some things just aren't worth harping on, and I'm not strong enough for the both of us.

...and i'm lonely, cuz ur not, around

I didn't want to get to this point. I did not wanna feel this way. I did not want to miss you. OMG it's actually true, I wish i could fall for you. God how i wish that I was free to be completely open with you. How I wish there could be no backlash from feeling this way. And yet i knew exactly what I was getting into, or did I. I don't think I meant for this to happen, we just clicked. Theres something about you that kinda connects to my soul. Your personality, well it's what i've been searching for, and that sucks. So I wait. Kinda, just sit back and silently miss you. Would be awesome if i could dive in and just give it up to you (song reference). However, thats not the role that has been destined for me. It makes me think. If I can have grown so attached to you, so desirous of your presence. If I can regularly long to have you fill my space. Why do i not get the chance. Life kinda isn't fair like that. I've finally found someone that i want to be real with, that i'm willing to be quirky me with, and that i believe would be 100 with me, and yet it just can't be.

...sorry ms. sullivan but i'm scared of lions, tigers, bears, and love

Tis true. I'm terrified of this crazy thing called love. And it shows. I'm awkward, shy, insecure, passive. All things that are not part of my true personality. Truly i'm rather crazy. Actually i'm quite boistrous, confident, and i've been told i have a rather magnetic personality. So what is my hang up with love. It's like when I get around ppl i just can't get it together. I turn into a recluse, much like a terrified turtle retreating into it's shell my personality hides behind the shyness veil of me. I've been on a search to see why I can't just be me. My sister pointed out a good thing yesterday, by coming off as scared/shy i don't actually have to interact with people. How often do you approach someone who is honestly, not approachable. By having this static character i'm never forced to have conversations with people, or think what if they actually happen to like me. What is the worse thing that would happen, life would go on might make some new friends might make some new enemies, either way life would not be dynamicly changed. So maybe I can do this. I can let go of fear. I can be me. It's not going to be easy and i'm not imagining this is going to be an overnight fix. But out of lions, tigers, and bears, and love, i'm willing to give love a try.

...i don't know how

I've been wondering why I've been so unsettled lately. I realize, i just don't know how to deal with emotions. I can handle happy and all the good things. However, it's like i just can't process the sad and angry and fearful emotions. Crazy I know. In the last 2 years I have lost 2 of the most important people to me. In 2009 alone I lost 3 family members. While I was not close to 2 of them it was still a difficult process.

Today, June 9, 2010, marks the 2 year anniversary of the death of Pastor, Dr. Edward Smith. This man had been my pastor since i was age 7. However, he was so much more to me than a pastor. He was my spiritual father. He was a father, pastor, teacher, mentor, motivator. He was inspiration. Now as i reflect back on him, it's almost as if i didn't realize just how important to me he was. He was more important to me than having my father walk me down the aisle. It was more important that this man approved of and participated in my wedding. Now that he's gone I guess there's a void. It's almost as if i didn't know the space he occupied, and now i don't know how to feel it. I just don't know how to reconcile with my heart that he is gone. And now a full two years later i feel the grieve. Suddenly, at work, a pain overtakes my heart. It's almost as if i could just go in the back office and cry. Just to cry and finally let it out. I miss him.

Then the death of my baby mama. My momo, my sister, my friend, my confidant. She was the one I went to with the most secret of secrets. She knew me. To think that at age 21, her life was stolen from her, is surreal to me. I know that I have not come to terms with her death, and I don't know when i will. Her death has left a whole in my soul that will not easily heal. Is it true that a piece of my heart is gone, did she really leave my 11 month godchild to not know her mother. To much pain and nowhere for it to go.

These pains have changed me. Did i want to change, well no i didn't. However, i do not know how to deal. I just now fully recognize the importance of both of them in my life, and they are both long gone. So yea, I'm trying to heal. While i attempt to do so, plz realize i really don't know how.

I feel so pretty, picture perfect, beautiful

Honestly and truly, I really just like this picture. IDK y

...i promise these things to you (girl) just believe, I Promise

I have long wanted a change in my life. I've wanted to be healthy #GetFit and altogether had an idea of the person i want to be. Yet year after year goes by, and the problems get worse and the changes never come and it gets harder to journey down that long road. Welp...no longer. My new motto don't save for tomorrow a change you can make today. Starting today I'm making some promises and changes to myself. These promises are for my own happiness and health. I have a life to save, my own, from me.

1. I promise to try~this does not mean i will see every 'i' cross every 't' or reach every goal as soon as I'd like. But it does mean that i will keep going. When I fall down I will get back up and get back to it. If i have a lazy day, it will not turn into a lazy week.
2. I will motivate myself~Only I have the power to create the change i wish to see in my life. Starting today, this moment, I will actively pursue these changes. My life will be motivation enough for me to have a fulfilling life. Life is not about being safe and living easy, it's about taking risk and living to please God in your own facets. From now on I will.
3. I will #GETFIT~I don't expect this journey of mine to be easy. I have a very long way to go, however, I do acknowledge that this is a traversable road. It is possible for me to get fit and I will, through sweat and tears I will get to a healthier me.
4. I will love~For years I've been the girl who couldn't be moved. I would say I loved, but I refused to give in. I want to experience life fully. For all the ups, downs, and arounds, and I will. I will be pleasant instead of spiteful, fruitful instead of angry, and healed instead of hurt.
5. I WILL SUCCEED because honestly I have no other option.

RUN AWAY FROM HOME...(yung fresh n new)

Sooooooo...i've been contemplating the big move. The state jump, the getaway, and i've decided to go away. I've made up my mind to leave. My season in VA is over. My run has been some good some bad some down right ugly but it was my run. Now it's time for me to move on while i'm still young *hint* fresh *wink* and i'll appreciate the new. I'm excited i'm a little scared but i'm also determined. I believe moving to SC will only bring good things my way and i'm extremly excited for that. So while my body is in va my heart *wink* and mind are already in SC. I'm ready to leave.

...what do you do, when love is lost...

Have you ever had that one person in your life that you'd give your all for. Romantic or family. The one person that knows they have strings and ties to your heart. What happens when that person will only take advantage of your love for them. What happens when they hurt you more than their capacity to love you. What happens when they don't know how you need to be loved? In my case love is lost. I have a long change, a history of sorts, of giving my all for nothing. Compared to the puppy that is abused and keeps going back for more. Yea, sadly, that has been me, my heart has been broken by first loves and family alike. And it's almost as if they didn't even realize the damage they were doing. As if they couldn't see that maybe, just maybe she is human. Maybe she isn't my superhero, maybe i need to stand on my own two feet. Does that happen, not usually. It has yet to occur in my life that the ones that hurt me most realize that they hurt more than they've ever helped. Yea then love is lost. It's not that you stop loving that person, it's just that you learn to love yourself more. There comes a time in each persons life, where they realize what they will settle for and what they won't. And whats worth it and whats not. I'm realizing i'm worth my being happy. And if that hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, well i'm sorry to hear it. But i have to be happy. And at first it starts with me.

I'm just not settling for crumbs

There comes a time in every young females life where she meets a 'him'. 'He' is gorgeous nice job, makes her laugh, makes her feel secure, makes her comfortable, basically she is happy with him. Sometimes this "him" is the he for her. Sometimes not so much. Sometimes he is her right now, sometimes her forever, sometimes her never. I guess i've decided to tell a story of my right now, what i wanted for my forever, and the one i knew would be my never. *Names have been changed*

SHARDONEE

My right now. I loved her. I mean truly loved her. How it even got to that point i'm not sure. We were friends but I knew she wanted more than that. However, I didn't want to give in, but, as 3 nights a week turned in to every night and ttyl turned into I love you I fell. Truly i did love her, still care about her but something wasn't right. We in the midst had to many lies. We had great times, but when we fought, i realized she was dealing with issues outside of me. And i had been using her to runaway from issues i didn't want to see. At that time she was my right now. Right now, or well then, i just need it someone who would tell me everything would be alright. Someone who would tell me that I was beautiful and worthy and we were going to be happy. Right now i needed someone to perpetrate my fairy tale. Well in reality fairy tales don't exist and there isn't always a happy ending.

LEVON

The one I wanted forever. And truly i thought i wanted him forever. Despite his faults, my faults, the faults in our nonexistent relationship, he was the one i thought i could change. I figured if i just love him with all of me he will be completely mine. Not so I was giving him me when unbeknownst to me he had given his heart to someone already. I thought it was on reserve for me. That he was my forever, my soulmate, my love was just waiting for me to be ready. Don't they say love was blind. Oh there were signs and hindsight is 20/2o and all the wonderful cliches. But when ur in it u just don't want to let go. Almost can't let go, when you're willing to give and let that person embrace your soul. Like the song says "forever never comes"

"September-Cry For You"

Forever and ever
Life is now or
never
Forever never comes around
(People love and let go)
Forever and
ever
Life is now or never
Forever's gonna slow you down

TREVANTE'

Alas, my never. I knew from the minute we started that we'd never be for real. I wasn't looking for love he was engaged and I'm not going down the homewrecker/mistress path. But yet and still, somehow we thought we were different. We were each other's escape. When we didn't feel love or when we just wanted someone else to talk to. The comfort of another's understanding. If only we really understood how we were hurting ourselves. We were forging a breakable connection out of lust that became love. But when the lust was gone, where was the love. We tried and maybe we were confused about the path. I knew, well now I say that, that this was wrong, but it shouldn't have started. We just couldn't be.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/mznesha87

I don't think you unworthy i need a moment to deliberate

*blog title is alanis morissette-POW POW POW*

I don't actually have a topic today I just needed to write. This blog is a rather interesting experience because, before all other writing methods, i am a poet. If you have noticed I have made a deliberate effort not to include any poems on this blog page...maybe i'll start a second one for that. Anyways, by not writing poetry I actually have to either directly say, or purposely find a way to say all that is in this head and heart to say. *editor's interlude So little to say but so much time,Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind.* Yea that's kinda how i feel right before i start typing. Basically how do I translate emotion, thought, idea, my essence into words, when using a format i'm not used to. And thus hear come the song lyric interuptions. Honestly *we gotta open up our mind's Cause music is life...for life* Music for me is my poetry written by somebody else explaining how I feel, sometimes when even I can't. Now that i've said all that the reason for the blog title.

I find more times than not when i'm dealing with someone on a personal level at least once time during the course of our years i will hear "but Tenesha you're just not open, be open with me share with me." Now hear is the deal. It's not that I don't want to be open. Well it is but not because I just don't want to be open...let me give you a run down of why.

1) You're just more interesting to me.
I already know me. I kno my quirks, my interest, my desires, my dreams. I, however, do not know you. I want to be inside your head. I'm so fascinated witht he human condition that it rarely occurs to me that you might be interested in the same manner. LearninG others is just one of those things I do.

2) What cha wan kno?!?!
What do you mean tell me something about you? Um i'm a girl. Shit, idk how to answer that question. So what do you wanna know. It's not that i don't want to share, I say again, but damn, what am i supposed to be telling you exactly. Chances are if you're asking questions i'm not offering answers its just the way my mind works...call me crazy lol...u wouldn't be the first

Well i think i'm out of words for this one so i guess THAT'S ALL FOLKS LOL

i am...BLACK CULTURE...you r...BLACK CULTURE...we are...BLACK CULTURE

*NESHA'S NOTES~ in case you haven't noticed blog titles will always either be song lyrics or a witty ancedote that applies to the topic...that is all...ON TO TODAY'S BLOG. also my notes and randoms in my blogs will be italicized or a different color*

If you know me...which if you read me some part of you does, you should know by now that "i'm not your average girl from the video." Sorry i'm sleepy as I write, this will not meet any form of expectation. Ok once again will i'm kinda strange. I'm not your "predictable, average, run-of-the-mill, garden variety loverrrrrrr." But honestly i'm not your regular girl from the hood, black girl with hoop earrings, attitude and more brand names than a little bit. I'm honestly, well just me. Tatted and pierced, overweight, brand name illiterate, and well rather preppy in personality. So my question or thought of the day is "Whats the deal with BLACK culture?" Now don't misinterpret me, i love my people, and iRep black until the day I die, but does that mean i'm supposed to be stuck inside of certain confines of what is black culture. Now my sister has been called white because she has her sternum pierced me because i have my tragus pierced and i tend to speak, well rather proper *i speak 1000xs better than i type don't hold it against me...shit it's my blog.*
So where do i fit into the idea of 'black culture.' Am I any less black because I choose to wear a relaxer, anymore black because I can roll my neck, cop major attitude, and fry chicken. Am i any less black because i rock tats and chucks, flats, and vans are shoes i'm all for. Any more black because I go to a church where they shout, my grandma will beat anyone in the family, and i dear you to say a damn thing about my ma w/o repercussions. Or am i just not black enough cause i'm not beating ass all the time. Can you tell me whats the thing about 'black culture'

My black culture is me being me. Me embracing every side of me what some ppl would call preppy, punk, urban, chic, all of it. My black culture is the fact that I am and individual. iRep team me. I am true to myself cause only I know all my true colors.

So Mz B was right...I AM....U R...WE ARE...BLACK CULTURE

i wish i could make you see...what really lays in me

Imagine...knowing your best friend at birth because you're best friend created your birth. Imagine knowing from the beginning of life what true unconditional love really is. Imagine having a relationship that could not be put it words because there aren't any. Imagine already having what everybody has been searching for all of eternity....Imagine already being free. Imagine not understanding and throwing it all away. Imagine going from heaven to hell, just because you couldn't understand you where different. Just because you didn't know what your difference meant...just because you couldn't see you for who you are. Can you imagine? Can you visualize the longing? Can you acknowledge the abscence? Can you feel the heartbreak of a broken heart yearing to be healed? Could you possibly imagine?


That WAS my story. I had become seperated from the light within me. The years afterwards were just shadows of the years before. Being torn, ripped, severed, from the closest bond. This was me. This emptiness was the life I lived. This longing was the thirst I dealt with daily. This was my life and my death. Not anymore.

In a never ending battle to find what I was missing, I now know what it has been. I had lost the thing that made me, well, me. No longer, i'm sure it will cost me some people, but has it really been worth losing myself. I've never really been a people person, people have just always been attracted to me, and that is ok. But now i want to be attracted to me, i want to be back to the me i've longed to know. I want to, once again, be whole.

This is Meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

So who am I....the eternal question. Who am I ? What am I here for? What am I all about? How do i define me?!?!


I am Tenesha, 22 yo southern girl. A twin with a passion for music, writing, ppl and I used these gifts daily. I'm a Christian minister who doesn't believe in organized religion. I believe in relationship and I'm on a passionate quest to change the way that ppl think of christianity. I am analytical. I search for the deeper meaning in everything and anything. I'm scared. I don't want to give into the most honest qualities of humanity. I have tried to run from the basics of humanity emotions feelings being me. I am evolving (and yes i believe in a form of evolution). Daily hourly minute by minute i'm on a quest to create a newer better more eloquent more loving me. I'm on a quest i search to find the joy of this world, i reach out to others, and i'm learning to let them reach into me. I'm brand new, i've never been here before and i'll never be here again I'm on a rollercoaster life. I'm in it for the long haul the ups the downs the joys the sorrows the pains. The new loves (you) the old loves (them) and the loves i haven't met yet. I know who i am i'm not sure how i got here but i plan on loving me for everything that is me.

So i know who i am, and no you don't get what you see but can you answer this question for yourself "Who is 'ME'?"

Lets Take Flight

Soooooo i don't believe in falling in love. Now thats not to say i don't believe in love. It's the falling part i don't get. When someone says falling i tend to think of an accidnetal, most likely embarassing hurt. Basically the opposite of what i think of when i think of love. Love is like flying to me... reaching new heights soaring. Going to unchartered territories and exploring. Finding out everything you can about your love. All the likes the dislikes the happy moments the sad moments and going on together. So yea i wanna fly, i want to soar, i want to go past the clouds. What ur stuck on cloud nine, well therez no clouds in my sky. And most of all I want that with you. With one individual i don't want to keep flying and crashing and flying and crashing. I want us to soar spread our wings like eagles...this is a song isn't it...any ways. I wanna fly. Can we..u and me....TAKE FLIGHT

What Are U Living 4 aka WHAT FERRRRRR!!!

What fer is a line my baby mama (rip momo) used to say all the damn time. Walkin round 'wat fer' nigga idk wth is what fer. So i've got to thinking. Really What FERRRRRRR. Yes what are we living for. IF you can't answer that question...ur not living, ur just existing. I'm livng for freedom. I'm living for love. I'm living for the ppl that i've loved that are no longer here. I'm living for taking risk with you. I'm living for a natural high (shuga). I'm living for life. And life more abundantly as it was promised to me. I'm living to make a change in a cold, sometimes cruel world. I'm living to write my life un filtered, def unscripted for you who the masses lol. I'm living to hurt. I'm living to cry. I'm living to experience pain and strife and some days lonely nights. I'm living to be balanced to be happy and sad. Most of all i'm living for me. For my dreams and goals. To see what exactly my future holds. So yea this is short and sweet but tell me...can you tell me.... WHAT FER?!?!?

Beef con los Bitches

For those who don't speak ebonics and spanglish that would be my problems with people (male or female) who have an issue coming at me in a correct or a professional manner. I will only go in on two maybe three situations today. Situation 1. My motherfukin father. That nigga there (yes i called my daddy a nigga and what) got one more got damn time to step at me sideways. I only just started fukin wit him on some i love my daddy ish. I mean seriously i work overnight you work during the day i sleep when you work so LEAVE ME ALONE. He had the audactiy to come wake me up ask for something then leave like all was good. 1 nigga u know i don't have any money 2 dammit i'm sleep 3....this is day 8 in a row dammit...I'M SLEEP. yea thats point number one it bitchin that bothers me.

Numero Dos
If you don't like how the fuck i'm doing something say it to myself. I bet not ever get to work and its a damn subliminal as bitch fit it the log book again...if this damn man has something to say about me. Say the shit to me it my got damn face when you see me every motherfucking morning. and yes i'm cursing because yes i am mad.


Honestly if people would own up to how they feel about situations, a variety of arbitrary bull shit would be avoided. It could all be so simple, but you rather make it harddddd. Yea if we (me included) would fess up to the fact that we've all had a bitch moment and get over that bitch moment and learn and grow (the more ya know) then life could be smoewhere newr nice.

Conbread plz...you can hold the greens

My name is Tenesha...Nesha for short... B@MBi if u know me and i....well i'm a southern style foodie. If it can be fried, smothered, covered, considered unhealthy, artery clogging, itis inducing...and delicious...well i've been all for it. And this alone leaves me where i am. Combined this love for the disastorusly divine with an intense almost hatred for sports and what do you get. A not so fit 22 female on a mission to save a life. What life you may possibly be asking...well my own of course. Through the last year i've come to the realization alothough i've never been a small person by any means i've always been rather fit. However several pounds later and athritis in both knees and hips begs to differ. So now i'm on a mission. I've finally come to terms with the fact the only way to change the fact that i am fat is the accept that i got myself here. Sure my parents used to say don't leave anything on ur plate but um I haven't lived with them since i was 17. So once again what is a girl to do. This is my #GetFit story. Incorporated in this blog will be my failings and my victories...i will share the pain of the #GetFit along with the glory of change. I'm excited i'm terrified but above all i'm determined to live. You know the ppl that hope to live to see their grandchildren, well i want to be alive long enough to have my own. With all that said #GetFit or die fat. And i've got more life in me yet.

Let Me Take You 2 Flight School

So I like writing obviously and i'm thinking i'll try to update at least twice a week. More if life happens to be interesting. NOW on the the title of this post. So I have an almost obsession with making people feel better about themselves. For ppl that know me strange I know with all the drama I go through. Most of my drama is because i'm holding on to someone i believe i can inspire to be lifted. Is it really my job nah probably not, do i mind nah not at all. However, i've been noticing there are diffenent type of ppl trying to take flight. You got your first class flyers, those that are used to ppl doing it for them the spoiled brat types...u know the ones that expected you to want to take them higher any way. Yea i h8 first class flyers. You been flying so damn much but you still haven't gone any damn where...ON TO THE NEXT ONE. Then we have our business class flyers. They know they have somewhere they're supposed to be but shit they NEED you to help get them there. They have a goal, they aren't about a bunch of wrecklessnes they're ready to go soon as you (plane or pilot) get there. Third we have our coach flyers. Coache flyers are a difficult bunch some of them this is their first time flying, some are just to cheap to be focused so no business class for them, and some are just comfortable where they at and attach to you because you're going somewhere. As for me I like to stick to business class or first time flyers. First-timers can move up they want to go somewhere they just don't know where or how to get there and these are the ppl that can be helped. NT WAYS....enough with the metaphorical "flight school". But at least it sounds more thought provoking than "upgrade you" Shit I don't need you to upgrade me that emplies that there is something wrong with me at least if i'm in flight i know i need to get somewhere. Ok for real i'm done but questions....WHICH ARE YOU....

"Flight School" by Kanye
T-Pain
BabyJust forget everything that you know
Let's take it all the way back to hello
They say you're living like you died before
I got a place that only I can go
Uuuh let me take you to flight school
We'll learn to fly
Uuuh let me take you to flight schoo
lThe northern lights
HeyYou've never been so high kiss the ground goodbye
And you say damn baby how did you get that fly
Flight School

Addiction

Nobody will believe me when I say it, but it's absolutely true. I'm an addict. I'm hooked. There's absolutely no turning back. Its the worse drug cause it gets you high in the best way. Thats right it's true i'm addicted to rollercoaster love. No not the wonderful, at peace, everything is roses love. But the i hate to love you, i shouldn't love you but i do, u fulfill my mind but i hate your guts type of love. The type of love where you fiend out for the person. If you don't hear from them at least once every 24 hrs something just isn't right. Yes i'm addicted to the high and once i hit that low. That type of love where what ur friends say doesn't matter what ur thoughts prove true cudn't be. I'm addicted to the type of love that has always been addicted to me. Do i want your fairytale love. Shit id even k. I think sometimes i might like the idea of being in a healthy we have no real issues type of love. But then the hunger for the rollercoaster hits. The need to feel the ups and downs, the thirst for the excitement the uncontrollable desire to not be controlled. Yea i'm hooked. I'm addicted. And for now therez just no running from it.

Introduction

HELLO WORLD


This is me. This will be the book my friends have been saying I should right. Mz nesha unscripted. NO lies, no cover ups no bullshit...if u don't like it feel free to stop reading some stories might be comical some might be deep some will just be retarded...like me...all will be real. I'm not writing to be read i'm writing to be free i'll be covering God, relationships, friends, money stupidity and all out honesty. This is me...take it leave it...but whatever you decide...ENJOY THE RIDE.